How smart is Your Right foot ? ?
Just try this. It is from an orthopedic surgeon…………
This will boggle your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can’t. It’s preprogrammed in your brain!
1. WITHOUT anyone watching you and while sitting where you are at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number “6″ in the air with your right hand.
Your foot will change direction.
I told you so!!! And there’s nothing you can do about it!
You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you ‘ve not already done so.
To be six again…
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her Birthday.
“I’d like to be six again”, she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park.
What a day!
He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was. Five hours later, they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M’s. What a fabulous adventure! Finally, she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, “Well dear, what was it like being six again?
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
“I meant my dress size, you dumb ass!”
The moral of the story:
Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.
Damn Women Drivers
This morning on I-80, I looked over to my left and there was a WOMAN (very exciting I know) in a brand new Escalade doing 75 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.
I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.
As a man, I don’t scare easily. But she scared me so much; I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the damn phone, soaked my pants, and disconnected an important call.
Damn women drivers!
Oh Those Italians!
For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman. One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, He paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write “Spaghetti” on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.
One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.”Honey,”she said, “you received a very strange post card today.” “Oh, just give it to me and I’ll explain it later,” he said. The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.
“Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Three with meatballs, two without. Send extra sauce.”
Blonde Moment at Starbucks
A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there’s
a “peel and win” sticker on her coffee cup.
So she peels it off and starts screaming,
“I’ve won a motorhome!
I’ve won a motorhome!”
The waitress says, “That’s impossible.
The biggest prize is a free Lunch.?”
But the blonde keeps on screaming,
“I’ve won a motorhome!
I’ve won a motorhome!”
Finally, the manager comes over and says,
“Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you’re mistaken.
You couldn’t have possibly won a motorhome
because we didn’t have that as a prize.
The blonde says, “No, it’s not a mistake.
I’ve won a motorhome!”
And she hands the ticket to the
manager and HE reads…
(YOU’RE GOING TO LOVE THIS !!!!!! . I PROMISE !)
“W I N A B A G E L”
JAY LENO…” HITS THE NAIL ON THE HEAD”
Well I, as well as you I’m sure, have received a variety of interesting notes and qualms about things that revolve around items of a serious and or silly note. I figured this one was worth posting for all to find on the glorious world wide web. I’m not for sure if it’s truly from Jay Leno, but I do agree with a majority of the content. We, as Americans, are truly blessed to be born citizens here. I do agree that there are issues that must be resolved, but I am tired of all the bickering and complaining.
I came from a small town with less that 600 people and only graduated with 15. At the time of my graduation from H.S. I was one of the few who had attended college and was moving on. My folks love me dearly, but were not able to assist with my tuition. I worked my tail off for 4 years (16 credit hours a semester and worked 40 hours + a week) and was able to become a graphic designer. Most of my family are farmers and are damn good at it. I just wanted something different in my life and I made it happen thru hard work and dedication. If you have a dream, this country is the place to pursue it. People just need to be smart about their life decisions, find a goal, and work towards achieving it. It’s not easy, but a few years of striving for what matters in your life and making it happen is more than worth the effort.
In any case, enjoy :)!
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The other day I was reading Newsweek magazine and came across some poll data I found rather hard to believe. It must be true given the source, right?
The Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed and 69 percent of the country is unhappy with the performance of the president. In essence 2/3rds of the citizenry just ain’t happy and want a change.
So being the knuckle dragger I am, I started thinking, ”What are we so unhappy about?”
Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 days a week?
Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter?
Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job? Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year?
Maybe it is the ability to drive from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state?
Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter? I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough.
Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all and even send a helicopter to take you to the hospital.
Perhaps you are one of the 70 percent of Americans who own a home. You may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames thus saving you, your family and your belongings.
Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes, an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss. This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90 percent of teenagers own cell phones and computers.
Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S., yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don’t have, and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.
I know, I know. What about the president who took us into war and has no plan to get us out? The president who has a measly 31 percent approval rating?
Is this the same president who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11?
The president that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession?
Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist attacks?
The commander in chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me? Did you hear how bad the President is on the news or talk show?
Did this news affect you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn’t take a look around for yourself and see all the good things and be glad?
Think about it……are you upset at the President because he actually caused you personal pain OR is it because the “Media” told you he was failing to kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day. Make no mistake about it.
The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn’t have to go. They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ”general” discharge, an ”other than honorable” discharge or, worst case scenario, a ”dishonorable” discharge after a few days in the brig.
So why then the flat-out discontentment in the minds of 69 percent of Americans? Say what you want but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds it leads and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner?
The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells, and when criticized, try to defend their actions by “justifying” them in one way or another. Just ask why they tried to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book about how he didn’t kill his wife, but if he did he would have done it this way……Insane!
Stop buying the negativism you are fed everyday by the media. Shut off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as a country. There is exponentially more good than bad.
We are among the most blessed people on Earth and should thank God several times a day or at least be thankful and appreciative. “With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, “Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?
Jay Leno
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